The Irish say that if you take a mirror outside and have it reflect the light of the moon, when you gaze upon it you will see your future. There was a time when I wondered about such things because I needed something to look forward to because I was so despondent and depressed. I thought that by knowing my future I could escape my present. Yet now, when I realize what a mess I have created in my life, the thought of what my future may be just plain scares me. I don’t want to know my future any more. I don’t even want to know my past.
Today is the full moon. Last night its light radiated into my window, caressing me while I restlessly tried to sleep. I felt no peace or comfort from it like I did a month ago. I watched as clouds, at first transparent and wispy quickly rolled past the lower half of the moon and then transformed into full and solid clouds that completely blocked it’s view. Yet the clouds veil did not extinguish the moon’s light, the edges of the clouds still shone of it’s white light and the trees and ferns of the woods beyond my window remained clearly visible.
I wish instead that the light of the moon, caught within a mirror could turn back time and allow me to be a different, wiser person, to allow me the knowledge and the insight of the experiences that have gone by with the opportunity to make better choices. Would I be different? Could I be different? Will I be different? Should I feel a sense of control over these things? Yet some how I don’t and change is so hard fought and comes in such small portions. I feel helpless like that wispy cloud blown in any direction that the wind commands, rolling along without knowledge of where it will end up. As the fear of the unknown slowly starts to build, the cloud becomes laden with moisture, becoming dark and thick, gradually blocking out the radiance of the moon so all that remains is the sliver of light that gently lines the edges of the clouds. I must remember that the view of the moon is only blocked on this side of the clouds, just like the sun, the moon is always there, whether I can see it or not.
leighcannon 